People are plagued by the fear of opinions.
It’s weird, right?
Opinions aren’t real.
You can’t feel them.
You can’t hear them.
Yet you perceive that they exist.
I used to be massively insecure about many things.
My height, even though I’m tall.
My face, even though I’m handsome.
My humour, even though I’m funny.
My intelligence, even though I’m not totally dumb.
You name it, I was insecure about it.
Why?
Because I couldn’t stop comparing myself to others.
And this, my friend, is a trap.
They say comparison is the thief of joy, and I tend to agree.
When you compare yourself to others, you’re not being fair.
You can’t see under the hood of the person you’re comparing yourself to.
You can’t see the pain that they have to endure.
You don’t know what’s going on in their life.
And yet, almost everyone with an internet connection suffers from this disease.
The good news is, there is a way out of this maze.
And for the most part, I’ve been able to overcome this insecurity.
I’m actually satisfied with who I am.
I’ve accepted the things I can’t change and have worked hard to change the things that are in my control.
I’ve developed positive habits, have achieved quite a few of my personal goals and am working towards a bright and prosperous future.
Most importantly, the opinions of others don’t really concern me.
Sure, the occassional hate comment online can sting for a millisecond.
But as soon as that brief moment of time elapses, it’s replaced with a roaring belly laugh that can be heard for miles.
I mean it, I’ve learnt to love the hate.
I’m exaggerating a bit.
I don’t get hated on much (if at all).
But regardless, I do believe my skin has thickened.
And in this article, I’m going to share some ideas in the hopes that they can help you overcome your own insecurities.
If they’re not going to be at your funeral, why care about what they have to say?
This is a concept from Alex Hormozi and I think it’s completely valid.
Many people care too much about the opinions of irrelevant people.
There’s a difference between the opinions of randomers and the people you care about most.
There’s a reason why being told off by your parents is painful:
You care.
This makes sense.
What doesn’t make sense is why people care about the thoughts of people who have no idea who they are.
If they don’t know who you are, it’s all projection.
If someone says you can’t be rich, they’re actually saying they can’t be rich.
If someone says you’re ugly and need to lose weight, they probably have to as well.
If someone says you suck on camera, they’re probably too chicken to try it themselves.
The point is, their thoughts don’t matter.
These people see you, leave an irrelevant opinion and then move on to the next target.
They don’t even think about you ever again.
So why should you think about them?
It’s a pretty poor use of your time, right?
Second:
The reason you care about criticism is because you’re identifying with the praise.
This is an idea brought forth by Gary Vaynerchuk, a man with his own media empire.
Gary often gives a lot of powerful advice when it comes to creating content and he often gets asked how to overcome this fear of criticism.
His answer is simple:
Don’t identify with it.
Just as you shouldn’t identify with the praise.
It often gets stated that one negative comment can outdo 100 positive ones.
Why is this?
How can one mean review cancel out all the positive ones that you’ve received?
It’s just because you’re identifying with it.
If you can be swayed by praise, you can be cut down viciously by criticism.
You need to detach from both.
Don’t post or create for the praise.
Do it for the sake of doing it.
It’s pretty incredible that all of these platforms are free.
You can literally just post everyday for the rest of your life, accumulate an organic audience, build digital real estate and potentially make millions.
And posting is free.
You shouldn’t post because of the inevitable praise you’re going to receive.
You should do it simply because you can.
That’s why I’m doing it.
I don’t care how many people like or share my posts.
Sure, it’s cool, but it’s not the primary reason for doing so.
I’m doing it simply because it’s possible.
And frankly, the opportunity is too big to ignore.
It doesn’t matter how hard it is.
It doesn’t matter how long it takes.
This opportunity has only existed for a little over 10 years.
Compared to other industries, it’s still a baby.
I’ve seen what nobodies have been able to do through the use of these technologies and it’s staggering.
10 years ago, Mr Beast was just another high school student.
Now he’s the face of a billion dollar empire.
All because he posted content and didn’t stop.
It’s pretty incredible if you really think about it.
Imagine if he’d given up because people were posting mean comments.
Imagine all the opportunities he would have squandered for quitting when the going got tough.
He didn’t.
Why?
Because the act of doing it mattered more than the rewards he would receive.
And you should adopt the same mindset.
I’ve spoken a lot about content in this article, but the same concepts apply to life.
In truth, applying this to your life is a lot easier because people aren’t as rude in person.
People often pretend to be nice to people they secretly despise.
There’s a social cost to appearing rude.
If you’re openly rude to someone, your reputation will take a hit.
Whereas online, most people are protected by a veil of anonymity.
The truth is, most people have no idea who secretly hates them.
I guarantee I’ve had “friends” in my life who actually couldn’t stand me.
I also remember a bunch of girls at my school who were meant to be besties, only for them to actually despise each other.
This is just how humans can be.
Seeing as you’ll have no idea if people like you or not, it makes it quite easy to ignore their opinions.
You’ll never experience anyone else’s thoughts, only your own.
Therefore, trying to guess what other people think of you isn’t only a waste of time, it’s impossible.
Focus on fixing your own thoughts.
Because remember:
Most opinions are just projections.
If you think that other person thinks you’ve got a massive nose, they don’t.
It’s you who’s insecure about your nose.
For all you know, that person in question might have a nose fetish.
You have no idea!
Alright, that’s it.
I hope this stream of consciousness can help you out.
If not, let me know where I can improve.
I wish you well.
©GODFREY THE GREAT via Guest Column Medium
The Wordsmith 